Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
