I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
