Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
