guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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