Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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