Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Boobs are out for the taking
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
