I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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