I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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