im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
