Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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