you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
two words: eviction party
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
