He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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