i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
