escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
