and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
