This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
