Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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