I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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