In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
