I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
