I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
