i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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