Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
