I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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