i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
