Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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