my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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