everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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