Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Let's paint friendship bongs
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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