oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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