This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
