I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
