I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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