THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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