are you still at the devil's house?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
