3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
