Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
