you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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