when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
