I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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