i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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