My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
