YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
