Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
