Kiss
Puke
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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