I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
