Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
