Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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