I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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