Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
