We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
