note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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