Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
