Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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