my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
