Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
