im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
