then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
