look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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