she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
