Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
