shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
