I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
