she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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