The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
