I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
