whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
