textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
