you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
third nipple confirmed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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