I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I love you.
Bad choice
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
