Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
