paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
