Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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