She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
did you just send me my own nude
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