Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
