hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
